Yep, today is Monday the 25th of October, 2010..... the start of the LAST week of October already!!! What is this world coming to when a month doesn't even last a full month anymore!!! LOL ;-)
I really thought I would have so much more done around the farm by the end of this month, and instead, I have hardly even started on anything!!! Sometimes I get worked up by this and let it get me down, and then other times I take the time to realize that what is important in my life is my God, my wife, and my kids. After that comes me and an my health... physical, mental, spiritual and emotional. The rest is all just stuff to fill on on life's journey. Sure, our place doesn't look very good, and certainly after five years of living here we should be a lot further ahead than we are today... but, apparently we are in a season of life right now where these other things are lower on the priority list. As a neighbor in our old housing development told me when Evan was a little tyke and I started ignoring my yard work some, "right now you are raising a family, not a yard. There will be a time in the future for you to raise a yard again." Not an exact quote, but paraphrased as I remember him saying it. :-)
I do admit, however, that we are in way over our heads with our current home and living situation. I really thought five years ago that things would work out a whole lot better and differently than they have for us since we have lived here. Unfortunately, that hasn't been the case. It bums me out to say that I am now at a place where I would much rather majorly downsize, and live somewhere that would be so very much easier to take care of, and care for. A place that is far less expensive to live in and maintain and upkeep. A place where I don't always feel guilty for taking time for my health by riding my bike, or heading to the fitness club, etc. A place where I wouldn't feel guilty for taking a day off to sit and watch television all day with my family on a weekend.
What has me going on about all of this right now? I suppose it has to do with Grammy & Papa, and where they are at in their lives right now. They have sold their nice big home on Pumpkin Ridge, where they have lived for the past 13 years. They are substantially downsizing their living situation and their lives, moving into a manufactured home in a senior living community. In doing so, they are going through all they have accumulated over the years, deciding what to keep, what to sell, what to give away.... what is really important to them, what is not. It is a major change in their lives, and one that I believe will be very good for them both. In a way, I guess I am just a bit envious... which I know is NOT what God wants or expects from me. Something I really need to work on. :-)
So, as I sit here now typing away, looking outside at the wind and the rain, I am counting up all of the unfinished and unstarted projects that really need to be dealt with before winter arrives! I don't like reaching double digits on this list, and yet I have just that fast already :-(
OK, enough whining and sniveling for now.... time to move on. Lots to do, lots to think about, lots to prepare for. And the simple fact remains, I have it way better than so many other people in the world. I am completely and truly blessed beyond anything I deserve. I have an awesome job, a wonderful wife, two amazing kids, a home, and my health. And most important of all, I have a God who loves me and provides for me, each and every day!!! :-)
Amen brother. I love you very much.
ReplyDeleteI have to say honestly - I think that downsizing - at this time in your lives - would be good for the whole family. That is my perspective.
Take away the farm distractions and move that focus to Evan and Sierra as they grow up and move through school and sports and so much more. Focus your time, energy, and love on the family instead of the farm.
That is what I see, and what I feel.
I look back at the time where you focused on the farm. I see the Gordon that was 285#'s. I see the Gordon now that is fit and happy, but is still not completely happy do to the farm.
I love you. And I will do anything you need me to do to help.
Oh, but not that. :-)
Brad
I appreciate your thoughts, and your perspective on what I have said here, as well as what you have observed. I am in agreement for the most part, but am unfortunately stuck in a place where I don't see an easy way out right now.
ReplyDeleteI am the only one of my family who is ready for change, and our place is worth the same or even less than what we are paying for it due to the downturned market, and without being able to do some serious clean-up and repairs and cosmetics, I can't see it being a seller right now.
You are so very right about my personal changes with health/mind/body/spirit...... I am in a much healthier place physically today, but struggling still in other areas due to our living conditions. It is tough, and apparently I am the only one who can do anythig about it.... which is what I am going to start working on this next month.
In life we all face struggles, and we all walk through periods of darkness.... and I am convinced that I am in a period of my life where God is wanting me to lean into Him more, and to really begin to work on my spiritual walk more as well.
Somehow, some way, in time, I will find the peace and joy and happiness that I know I should be enjoying right now. :-)